New Beginnings: My journey to LIFE

One January, my husband and I received a call that left my oldest daughter floundering, in a way she had never known before. One of her friends, who was also our pastor’s youngest daughter was killed in a snowmobile accident. She was a friend of my 13 year old daughter.

My eyes still fill with tears at the memory…the pain and confusion I saw in my daughter’s eyes as I told her about Annie. I had no words of comfort. All I could do was hold her and weep with her. I spent the entire night with her in my arms as my mind frantically searched for a way…to make it OK. I felt so helpless, frustrated and confused. All my heart could do was to echo her question, “why?”….

I never was able to find the spoken words but out of that pain came words. I was never one to write poetry but I was compelled to write. It was an unexpected gift that I felt God gave me that day. I released my pain about Annie’s death in words only to discover it was to be a life line for me.

Poetry….the written word…it so gently and lovingly nudged its way into my life. It drew me in and compelled me to write, to look deep within myself to another child in tears asking “why?”

I’m In Need Of A Friend

A long deep sigh slips from my lips.
Shaking my head I try to clear the
heaviness that presses in.

Looking at the clock I have no idea
how long I have sat gazing in the
emptiness of this page.

All I know is the familiar sense
of being unremittingly alone.

loneleness….

My only comfort
My only friend
My only memory

I tremble,
as I hear whispers within.

Nudging from an unknown entity
deep inside.

And from somewhere deep within myself,
underneath where my loneleness dwells,
a tentative whisper reaches my inner ear.

“My name is ‘Happiness’ and I have lived
beneath your loneleness for all your life.
Please, hear my call. I’m in need of a friend.”

©BAR
8/2/98